Blogs in the Banquet Hall

Holiday weekend at the park. This means me and Shawn, no supervision, and lots of idiots. A recipe for hilarity. The city manager had a gathering to discuss city business in our lodge. Clearly, for such a meeting, they required miles of fruit trays, coolers full of beverages, and sweetest pound cake known to man. Not to mention the cookies and grapes too. The city manager (who employs us all)'s cooler now rides between us in the truck, for easy beverage access on the go. I went out of my way to assist some Mexicans in securing a picnic spot for their family gathering today in the park. It proved to be the most crucial choice of my day. The Mexicans (a race that never ceases to amaze with their work ethic and foods) demands that I cease all work I am doing and take it upon themselves to complete my task while treating me to mounds upon mounds of authentic, made by, eaten by Mexican cuisine and some cerzevas. Oh mama. When relating this story to Shawn in celebration, he decides to tell me a story. Apparently he and our boss ate Mexican for lunch Friday and he had Chinese for dinner. Shawn tells me he awoke at 2 a.m., "libel to shit all over my damn self!". I understand this as a normal Shawn tale. As if by design, one of his three girlfriends calls the office at this precise moment. The first thing he tells her afetr mumbling hello, "Woke up this morning and damn near shit my pants!". Which is another example of why we wonder as to Shawn's success with the ladies. Shawn is of course, always trying to branch out in attracting more women. His appetite for spicy foods is equal to that of his desire for spicy (or large) women. Two women enter the park hoping to canoe and discussing with Shawn where they should go, I am busy consuming the city manager's pound cake at the time and do not see them. After they depart on their adventure, Shawn claims they "ain't too bad to look at neither, I seen worse, but they might be wild women, you know, carpet-eaters". I try to educate Shawn that two women going canoeing together does not automatically make them lesbians. So, we decide to move in for a closer look. Numerous drivebys later, I'm beginning to think they are indeed not interested in men, but Shawn, forever the optimist, contends that they're worth a shot. Much of the next 4 hours is dedicated to determining rather they are indeed "wild women". Well, I had the distinct honor of learning that these females were in fact of the wil variety by bearing witness to their cool down following their canoe trip. In an effort not to reduce this blog to smut, lets say it was eye-opening. And they were not the most attractive pair I concluded at this point. Obviously Shawn was pissed more that I had bore witness to this event, rather than the fact that he was wrong about their orientation and therefore the loser of our last-piece-of-poundcake bet. Shawn left in defeat for a four hour paid overtime phone call with another of his three girlfriends, possibly to reestablish his commitment to heterosexual women and I sat down to my piece of victory poundcake. Funny, that the poundcake would be lemon-flavored, giving it a bittersweet aftertaste, and a less than fulfilling triumph.